


MerMay(be Not)

by ChiaRoseKuro



Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Crack, Gen, Gift Exchange, Heavy scarring, Threats of Violence, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22417813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiaRoseKuro/pseuds/ChiaRoseKuro
Summary: In Kakashi’s defence, he’d thought there would be significantly more bullion and significantly less bullying involved.But that’s just life as the captain of a disrespectful crew, he supposes.[ 30 Minutes to Gift - Pirates | "That is, by far, the dumbest thing you've ever done." ]
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi & Yamato | Tenzou
Kudos: 23





	MerMay(be Not)

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a different 30 Minutes to Gift than the earlier one I posted - and yes, I also wrote this in the span of thirty minutes. There's less that's objectionable about this one... but if you're not into the inexplicable acquisition of wings, the possibly incorrect use of pirate terminology and casual violent threats, then it might be best to press the 'back' button. As always, I have no motivation or inclination to deal with rude and unwanted comments, so any of those will be politely told to walk the plank and feed themselves to sharks.
> 
> Special thanks to [Total](https://khalessikakashi.tumblr.com) for providing the secondary prompts (Hatake Kakashi as the focal character, wingfic as the key word and pink as the key colour), [Sloane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlebee) for organizing the event on her Discord server, and my ever-irrepressible love of puns for the title. Perhaps I could come up with something wittier, given the time, but... I tried my best to stick to thirty minutes of active writing, so that's what I have to work with instead.

* * *

“I’ve heard of mermaids,” Yamato sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “and I’ve heard of sirens… but what, exactly, are _you_ meant to be?”

“Maa, shouldn’t you be showing your captain more respect than that?” Kakashi asks, disappointment evident in the drooping of his gravity-defying hair, but…

“ _Captain_ Hatake,” Yamato says in a chilling voice, lips pulled into a ghoulish approximation of a smile, “ _I_ wasn’t the one that _suddenly grew wings on my back_ , so maybe _you_ should be re-evaluating your words.”

“Bullying,” Kakashi mutters, “my cute little first mate is _bullying_ me.”

“This is all your fault,” is the callous reply he gets, “so go and sulk elsewhere, while the _rest_ of your sensible crew _carefully_ examine the rest of the loot.”

And Yamato strides off, somehow making every measured step sound just as menacing as a deck-shaking stomp.

It _really_ hadn’t been Kakashi’s fault, as far as he’s concerned—they’d ‘interrogated’ a navy spy who’d tried to infiltrate their crew, heard about chests of bullion sunken somewhere off Kiri’s coast, and had sensibly decided to see if there was any credence to their information. It wasn’t as though the Konoha Pirates weren’t already filthy rich, but… bullion was bullion, right? And nobody liked gold as much as a band of marauding pirates.

So Kakashi had charted a course for Kiri, fended off a few rival crews and dropped the failed spy off on a tiny, guano-infested outcrop jutting from the sea. The week it’d taken to get there had been fairly uneventful otherwise, so how…

_How_ , exactly, had reeling up a seaweed-covered treasure chest resulted in _shiny pink wings?_

They’re not actually _bad_ wings, by any means—they work, if the ease with which Kakashi had hovered over the deck was anything to go by, and they’re about three metres from wingtip to wingtip—but wings. Shiny pink wings on the captain of a _pirate crew_ , one that was so heavily scarred that practically everyone on the high seas trembled in fear whenever he removed his eyepatch and lowered his mask, and it’s just—

“Ridiculous,” Kakashi sighs, tucking his wings neatly against his back. Even grey wings would’ve been better—at least it’d match with his hair.

He doesn’t expect a response, not really, so the quiet scoff from his right almost makes him snap his wings open in a panic. Kakashi doesn’t, in the end, because he catches sight of familiar scarred skin and a wry smile, but that doesn’t stop him from huffing when Obito says, “Yeah, you _are_ ridiculous.”

“My first mate and then my boatswain? If you’re going to organize a mutiny, please don’t let me know about it,” Kakashi says, pretending to wipe tears from his sole visible eye. “I’d like to be remembered for the fearless leader that I was, the terror of the high seas and—”

“The colossal idiot who opened a padlocked chest that had _DANGER_ stamped onto it?” Obito interjects, one eyebrow rising on his forehead. “It’s just unfortunate you didn’t completely turn into a bird—then you’d be a birdbrain, just as you deserved.”

“You’re _all_ a bunch of bullies,” Kakashi sniffles, casting a woebegone look at Obito.

“We’re pirates,” is the flat response he gets, “and for whatever reason, we’ve chosen to follow you.

“So since you’ve already got _those_ on your back,” Obito adds, gaze flickering to Kakashi’s wings as his face twitches strangely, “can you come and open the other treasure chests?”

“What, and act like a sacrifice now that I’ve been so singularly marked out?” Kakashi asks, pushing off his easy lean against the mast and ambling over to Obito.

“It’s not like you could really get much worse than this,” Obito adds, turning away with a shrug. “And think about it this way—maybe whatever _else_ you find in those chests will be so bad that they make your wings look better, Captain!”

“Maa, maybe the fish around here like human flesh,” Kakashi hums. “Perfectly grilled human flesh, from the bones of disrespectful crew members.”

“And maybe we can use you to scout for land by tying you to the mast and letting you fly above the ship,” Obito replies with a roll of his eyes. “Now hurry _up_ , Captain, or your crew’s going to think you’re too busy preening your feathers to do your job.”

“Act as cannon fodder, you mean,” Kakashi sighs gustily—but he tucks his hands into his pockets and casually flicks a wing open.

It is, perhaps, more amusing than it should be to see Obito sailing off the deck and into the water.

(it’s a little less amusing when Obito and Yamato team up to tether him to the mast, pink wings and scaly hands and all, but at least Kakashi’s not the one that squawked like a startled bird when he'd tumbled overboard)

**Author's Note:**

> For further author notes and other things related to this fic, feel free to check out my [blog](https://chiarosekuro.wordpress.com/). Alternately, potential prompts and other sorts of inspiration can be found on my [Tumblr](https://chroku-n.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/chroku_n/) if that tickles your fancy instead - or, if you'd like your own shiny new oneshot, you can request one from me [here](https://chiarosekuro.wordpress.com/commissions/).


End file.
